Run Game Conversation

How to respond to a flirty text from a girl

5 min read

Match her tone, keep your reply short and playful, and give her something easy to answer, ideally leading to a plan within a few messages. If she teases, tease back lightly. If she's warm, be warm. If you can't tell whether she's flirting at all, reply in a friendly, slightly playful way and see whether she builds on it.

None of this needs a perfect line. A reply that sounds like you, sent without a long delay, beats a clever one you spent 40 minutes on.

First, is it actually flirty?

Text strips out voice, face and timing, so a message can be read two ways. Look for a pattern across several messages instead of treating one as a verdict. Things that often point toward flirting:

Things that often point toward polite or friendly:

It's ambiguous by nature. Plenty of people are playful with everyone, and plenty of interested people are dry on text. Signs of interest and dry texter or not interested go through how to weigh the signals. A decent rule: if you can't tell, you're allowed to ask for a plan and find out in person.

The reply formula

A common structure for a good reply has three parts, used loosely:

  1. Acknowledge what she said. Show you read it.
  2. Add a little personality. A joke, a tease, an honest reaction.
  3. Hand it back. A question, a challenge or a plan, so she has something to answer.

You don't need all three every time. Two is usually enough.

Example replies

These are starting points. Change the wording so it sounds like you, and only send what's true.

She teases you ("you take forever to reply")

She compliments you ("that photo is actually good")

She says something playful or a little flirty ("you're trouble")

She brings up meeting ("we should do something sometime")

She sends a late-night "what are you up to?"

She sends a photo or message that's more suggestive than your thread so far

What to avoid

Why a question or plan helps

A text that ends with a hook keeps the thread going. Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson and Gino (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2017) ran three studies of live conversations, including speed dates, and found that people who asked more questions, especially follow-ups, were better liked, and that speed daters who asked more follow-ups were more likely to get a yes to a second date. That research looked at face-to-face talk, not texting, and this is based only on a summary of it, so treat it as a reasonable hint and nothing more.

A plan does more than a joke can. After a few warm messages, "Want to grab a coffee Saturday?" turns playful text into something you can both assess. How to rizz over text shows how to build up to that, and confirm a date by text covers the logistics once she says yes. If it turns into a date, flirting on a first date picks up from there.

If the energy drops

If her replies get shorter after yours got more intense, ease off and go back to a lighter tone. If she stops answering, one friendly follow-up after a couple of days is plenty, and then let it rest. A long silence is usually an answer. If you're stuck on what to say next, text a girl without being boring has other ideas for keeping a thread alive.

Run Game

If you want a second opinion on a thread or a reply, the forum in Run Game has a Texting topic where people post and swap what's worked.

What to do next

  1. Reread the last 10 messages and note whether she starts conversations, asks questions and mentions seeing you.
  2. Write one reply in under a minute using acknowledge, add personality, hand back. Don't edit it for more than a minute.
  3. Mirror her length. If she writes 12 words, aim for 8 to 20.
  4. Within 3 or 4 messages of a good exchange, suggest a specific plan with a day and place.
  5. Set your limit. If two plan invitations get vague answers and no counter-offer, move on.

Sources