Run Game Conversation

Blind date tips: before, during and after

6 min read

For a blind date, ask the person who set it up a few real questions first, meet in a public place for a set amount of time, keep your expectations low and your curiosity high, and follow up kindly whether or not you want a second date. The setup gives you a friend's word and a reason to be there. It doesn't give you chemistry, and it doesn't replace ordinary first-date safety.

Are blind dates still a thing?

Yes, though less than they used to be. In a 2019 PNAS paper, Michael Rosenfeld, Reuben Thomas and Sonia Hausen used the "How Couples Meet and Stay Together" survey, a nationally representative U.S. sample, to look at how couples met. Among heterosexual couples, 33 percent met through friends in 1995, compared with 20 percent in 2017, while meeting online rose from 2 percent to 39 percent over the same period. The authors based the 2017 figures on 2,997 answers to an open-ended "how did you meet" question. The response rate was 60 percent in 2017 (11 percent cumulative), the question was asked only about relationships that formed, and the paper's main analysis covers heterosexual couples. It doesn't separately measure blind dates, but it shows that introductions through friends still lead to relationships.

Before: ask the person who set you up

A friend who's matchmaking knows both of you. That's useful, but only if you ask. Some questions that tend to get real answers:

A few things not to ask for: a detailed list of her flaws, a ranking of her looks, or her dating history. A friend who gets pulled into that can end up in an awkward position, and it isn't your business yet. And remember your friend is vouching for you, too. What the friend tells her about you affects what she expects. Say, "Tell her I'm a friendly guy who likes hiking and bad puns," not "Tell her I'm perfect."

Before: set it up like a first date

If you're the one being set up, the same list applies. You can share your plans with a friend and your own ride home, even if the person who set it up is someone you trust.

During: be curious

It helps that you already have one thing in common: the friend. It also adds a pitfall, which is turning the evening into a conversation about that friend.

If it isn't working, you can keep the date short, be polite and end on time. If it is working, a good moment to say so comes near the end. How to end a first date has lines for both.

After: follow up, then close the loop

Whether you want a second date or not, there are two follow-ups.

With her. The same evening or the next morning, send a short message. If you'd like to meet again:

"I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again. Are you free Saturday?"

If you're not interested, a kind and clear message is better than going quiet:

"Thanks for meeting up, I enjoyed meeting you. I didn't feel a romantic spark, but I wish you well."

What to text after a first date has more examples. If she says no to you, take it and don't ask the friend to persuade her.

With your friend. Thank them for the introduction, whatever happened. Then keep it short and kind. "We had a good time and are going to meet again" or "It wasn't a match, but I appreciate you thinking of me" is enough. You don't have to share details, and she doesn't either. Avoid blaming or rating the other person to a mutual friend, because they are still friends with both of you.

What to do next

  1. Ask your friend three questions: why they think you'd get along, whether she knows it's a date, and if it's okay to text.
  2. Send a short hello a day before, and confirm the time and place.
  3. Pick a public place with an end time you can say out loud.
  4. Tell someone you trust who you're meeting, where and when you'll be home. Take your own ride.
  5. Prepare two questions about her that don't involve your friend.
  6. Decide your follow-up before you go: one text for "let's meet again," one for "thanks, no."
  7. Thank the friend the next day, in one or two sentences.

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