Run Game People

Mark Manson's Models and the honest approach

Updated 5 min read

Models makes a promise that sounds backwards: the less you need a particular woman to like you, the more attractive you become. Mark Manson self-published it in 2011, five years before The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck made him one of the bestselling authors in the world. His official page says Models has sold more than 300,000 copies.

Who Mark Manson is

Manson was born on March 9, 1984, and grew up in Austin, Texas. He graduated from Boston University in 2007 with a degree in international relations. According to Wikipedia, he started his first blog in 2008, writing dating advice, and launched a men's life-advice blog called Postmasculine in 2010.

The timeline from there:

He also runs a YouTube channel and a podcast, SOLVED with Mark Manson. The dating book came first, and a lot of his later ideas about values and accepting rejection show up in Models in earlier form.

What Models teaches

The official page sums up the book's aim as becoming attractive through self-development, "not on tricks, tactics, games or techniques." Its best-known line: "Stop acting like an attractive man and be an attractive man."

Non-neediness

The central concept. In Manson's definition, neediness is caring more about what others think of you than what you think of yourself. A non-needy man's sense of worth depends on how he judges himself. That doesn't mean ignoring other people's opinions. It means one woman's reaction doesn't decide your mood for the night.

Manson argues that most pickup tactics are neediness in disguise. Memorized lines, status displays, and careful scripts are all attempts to manage someone else's impression of you. The book's free chapter is about how to "be non-needy without turning into a narcissistic prick," which tells you where he thinks men overcorrect.

Vulnerability

Manson defines vulnerability as having the courage to live by your own truth and express it, even when you might get disapproval back. Saying "I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you" is vulnerable because she might say no. In Manson's view, that risk is what makes it attractive: it shows you're comfortable enough with yourself to be turned down.

Polarization

Being clearly yourself will put some people off and draw others in, and Manson treats that as a good thing. If you blur your opinions to appeal to everyone, nobody feels strongly about you. In his framing, rejection becomes a filter rather than a verdict.

The three areas of work

The book organizes self-improvement into three areas:

  1. Build a life you find satisfying, so you have something to share and less riding on any one woman.
  2. Act despite your fears around women, which is mostly about approaching and getting rejected enough that it stops being scary.
  3. Express yourself honestly, including your intentions, your opinions, and your interest.

The book includes a self-assessment across those three areas so you can see which one to start with.

Why it mattered

By 2011 pickup had been mainstream for six years. The Game had made it famous, VH1 had put it on TV, and some men who tried routines said they felt like they were performing. Models offered a way to keep going out and meeting women while dropping the scripts. It also fit a wider shift in the community toward inner game and directness, covered in how pickup advice changed. Neil Strauss, the author of The Game, said in a 2015 BuzzFeed News interview that he'd come to believe "any manipulation is not a good thing." Models had made a version of that argument four years earlier.

What to take from Mark Manson

  1. Use one honest opener for a week. "Hi, I saw you and thought you were cute, so I wanted to say hello. I'm [name]." Say it to at least five women. Afterward, write down how each one reacted. Notice how each one actually reacts.
  2. Say one real opinion per conversation. If she says she hates hiking and you love it: "Oh no, that's my favorite thing. What happened, bad experience?" Don't agree to keep the peace.
  3. Name your nerves once. "Honestly, I almost didn't come over." It's vulnerable and it's true. See how it lands, and use it once, not as a routine.
  4. Ask plainly. "I'd like to see you again. Can I get your number?" No engineered reason, no fake excuse. How to ask for a number covers timing.
  5. Score yourself on what you control. For each approach, ask three questions: Did I go? Was I honest about why? Did I handle the answer well? Three yeses is a good approach, even if she said no.
  6. Do the three-area audit tonight. Rate yourself 1 to 10 on your life outside dating, your comfort approaching, and how honestly you express yourself. Spend the next month on the lowest number.

That scoring fits how Run Game counts rejections as approaches: a no you handled well is still a rep, and your success rate is only one number on the Stats screen. For related reading, see how to handle rejection when you approach, outcome independence explained, and pickup and dating books worth reading.

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