Run Game Conversation

How to ask for her number (or her Instagram): exact lines

Updated 6 min read

Asking for a number feels awkward when you do it late, in a silence, with an apology attached. Do it while the conversation is still going well, give a short reason, and ask in one clear sentence. The whole ask takes about ten seconds. If you're deciding between her number and her Instagram, a common approach is to ask for the number and take Instagram if she offers it; the section near the end covers both.

Step 1: check that she's into it

Before you ask, you want several signs pointing the same way. She's asking you questions, staying when she could leave, and turned toward you. If she's giving short answers and glancing at her friends, say goodnight instead. How to tell if someone is interested in you lists the signals.

Don't ask when she's busy or about to leave. Ask when she's relaxed and engaged: after a laugh, or when she's just told you something you want to hear more about.

Step 2: give the conversation a natural end

A reason to leave makes the ask feel normal. Pick one before you start, and say it when you're ready to wrap up:

Todd Valentine uses a version of this in daytime approaches when a woman hesitates. A vague time limit like "I've gotta run in a second, but..." buys what he calls a 30-second window of her undivided attention. When he's ready to ask, he says, "I'm tempted to ask you for a drink, but I have one last question first..." and then asks for her number, and tentative plans to go with it.

Step 3: ask in one sentence

Be direct. State what you enjoyed and what you want.

Corey Wayne, author of How to Be a 3% Man (2006), tells a reader who froze at the moment of asking that to get dates you have to "ask for the order." In another newsletter, about a reader who texted a woman constantly, he says "The phone is for setting dates."

You can also tie the ask to something you discussed:

If you're interested in dating her, say that, or at least don't pretend you only want a restaurant tip.

Step 4: the handoff

  1. Open a blank new contact on your phone before you hand it over.
  2. Hand it to her. She types her name and number.
  3. Text her right there (see Step 5) so you have her number too. Say "Sent you a text" out loud.
  4. Stay and talk for a few minutes. Todd V's course on approaching in daylight says the five minutes after the swap are the most critical.
  5. Leave on a high note, with a line: "I've got to run. I'll text you tonight."

Step 5: the text you send before you part

"Hey, it's Sam from the bookstore. The guy who'd never heard of Ursula Le Guin."

A name, where you met, and a callback. For what comes next, see what to text after you get a number.

Her number or her Instagram?

A number gives you a direct line for setting a plan. An Instagram follow is a lower-commitment step: easier to agree to, and it can be easier to let go quiet.

Some people want to know you better before they hand out a phone number, and that's a normal preference. If she says "Find me on Instagram" or "I'm more of an Instagram person," take it and say thanks. Then:

  1. Follow her (or send a follow request, if her account is private) while you're still standing there, so the connection is made.
  2. Send a message within a day that refers to what you talked about. "Did you ever try that ramen place?" gives her more to answer than "hey" does.
  3. Suggest a specific plan in your first few messages, like "coffee Saturday?", and move to texting once she's replying.

The same rule applies to both: one ask, then take her answer.

If she says no or hesitates

Take it at face value. Say:

"No worries at all. It was really nice meeting you. Enjoy the rest of your night."

Then go. A no is the end of the ask, so don't request her Instagram as a second try. If she offers it herself ("Find me on Instagram"), take it.

If she pauses, give her an easy way out:

"Totally fine if not. No pressure."

A "maybe not" is your answer. How to handle rejection covers what to do with the next ten minutes.

Common mistakes and fixes

Mistake Fix
Waiting until the conversation fizzles Ask at the first high point, usually right after a laugh
Starting with "Sorry, this is probably weird" Skip the preamble. Start with "I've really enjoyed talking to you"
Asking for Instagram first Consider asking for the number, since it's a more direct way to set a plan. If she offers her Instagram, take it
Saying "We should hang out sometime" Name the plan: "Coffee this week?"
Fumbling through apps while she waits Open a blank contact before you hand over the phone
Asking when she's glancing at her friends Say goodnight and leave
Leaving without a text Send one before you part

A full example

You: "Okay, I have to catch my train, but I've really liked talking to you. Can I get your number? I'd like to take you to that taco place you were defending." Her: "Ha, sure." (You hand her your phone with a new contact open. She types it in.) You: (texts) "It's Dev. Tacos are on me if they're as good as you claim." You: "Sent you a text. See you soon, hopefully."

What to do next

  1. Write your exit reason and your ask sentence in your phone's notes today. Say them aloud five times.
  2. In your next five conversations that last longer than a few minutes, run the check from step 1. Ask whenever you see several of those signs together.
  3. Practice the handoff with a friend once: blank contact, hand over, text, "Sent you a text."
  4. If you get a number, send the text from Step 5 before you part, then a real message the same day.
  5. In Run Game, log each approach. The Stats outcome funnel then shows your path: got number, texted, date set, went on a date, dating.

Sources