How to track cold approaches: what to log and how to read it
A cold approach lasts a few minutes, and by Monday it's blurry. Memory can be a poor scorekeeper: after a night out you may remember the one rejection that stung and forget the three conversations that went fine. A log doesn't care which moment felt worst.
Psychologists call the pull toward bad experiences negativity bias. Roy Baumeister and colleagues' 2001 review, "Bad Is Stronger Than Good," collected evidence that negative events tend to have a bigger and longer-lasting effect than positive ones of similar size. So a week later your gut may say "I'm not getting anywhere," even if you've improved.
This page covers what to log after each cold approach, where to keep the log, the four numbers to review weekly, and an example with real arithmetic.
What to log after each cold approach
Per approach (under 15 seconds)
In Run Game, log it as Success or Rejected. In any other tool, use the same two labels. Only successes and rejections count as approaches. Hesitations (people you wanted to approach and didn't) don't count toward your totals or success rate, so jot them in your notes instead.
Define "success" before you start, and keep it. For some people it's a number. For others it's a conversation both people enjoyed. Changing the definition midway makes the numbers meaningless.
One line of notes (under 60 seconds)
Keep a note in your phone with one line per approach:
Day | place | opener | minutes | ended | change
Sat | cafe | "Is that book any good?" | 4 | number | ask sooner
The "change" field is the most useful. "Waited too long to ask" beats a page of reflection. Leave out names, descriptions and anything that could identify the person. You're tracking your own actions.
Per outing
Group the night into a Run Game session. At the end, write the total: approaches, hesitations, and one sentence on how it felt. If a night was worth more than a line, write a field report.
Logging works offline and syncs later, so log right after each approach even without signal.
Where to keep the log
A cold approach tracker doesn't need to be an app. Three options work, and each trades effort for convenience.
- A notes app. Already on your phone, nothing to set up. You add up the numbers yourself at the end of the week.
- A spreadsheet. One row per approach, with formulas for success rate and a chart if you want one. It's easiest to fill in at a desk, so you'll likely enter outings after the fact.
- A tracker app. One tap per approach, and the app does the arithmetic. Run Game logs Success or Rejected, and shows streaks, success rate and an outcome funnel (got number, texted, date set, went on a date, dating).
Whichever you pick, the rule is the same: log within minutes, not on Sunday night. If you use a notes app or a spreadsheet, copy the formulas from the next two sections.
The four numbers
Review them once a week, for ten minutes.
| Number | Formula | What it tells you |
|---|---|---|
| Volume | Successes + Rejections | Whether you're showing up |
| Hesitation ratio | Hesitations / (Hesitations + Approaches) | Whether nerves are winning |
| Success rate | Successes / (Successes + Rejections) | How conversations resolve |
| Funnel | Numbers, then texts, dates set, dates, dating | Where you stall after hello |
An example week
You went out twice, and you count a success as a number swap. Session 1: 4 approaches (1 Success, 3 Rejected), 2 hesitations in your notes. Session 2: 5 approaches (2 Success, 3 Rejected), 1 hesitation.
- Volume: 9 approaches.
- Success rate: 3 successes / 9 = 33 percent.
- Hesitation ratio: 3 hesitations / (3 + 9) = 25 percent.
- Funnel: 3 numbers, 3 texts sent, 1 date set.
What to do with that: the hesitation ratio dropped from 2 of 6 in session 1 to 1 of 6 in session 2, so nerves are easing. The biggest funnel drop is texts to dates set (3 to 1), so next week's drill is proposing a specific plan in the second text. That's a sticking point.
How to read the numbers
Volume first. Success rate is noisy on small samples. Going from 1 of 3 to 2 of 3 looks big and is one conversation. With 9 approaches, one conversation moves the rate 11 points, so wait until you have a few dozen before you read it.
Trends, not days. One bad night means nothing. Compare four-week blocks: volume, hesitation ratio, funnel.
Don't optimize for success rate. One way to raise it is to approach only when it looks like a sure thing, which lowers volume and gives you less practice. A lower rate with more approaches can simply mean you're getting more reps.
Compare effort to outcome. Rate your execution separately on a 1 to 5 scale: did you open, hold eye contact, ask a follow-up? Research on the liking gap (Boothby et al., 2018) found that after a conversation, people tend to underestimate how much the other person liked them. That study was about how much the other person liked them, not how well anyone executed, so it can't grade your technique. It's a reason to check your gut against what the other person did: stayed, asked you something, gave a number.
Weekly review template
Ten minutes, same day each week.
Week of: ___
Approaches: __ Hesitations: __ Success rate: __%
Funnel: __ numbers / __ texts / __ dates set / __ dates
Best approach and why:
Worst approach and why:
Repeating problem:
One change for next week (a number):
Targets that work for many people: 6 to 10 approaches a week when you start, in two outings. Raise it by 2 once the last two weeks felt boring. Pick your own. See the 100 approaches challenge for a 10-week schedule.
Common mistakes and fixes
| Mistake | Fix |
|---|---|
| Logging from memory on Sunday | Log right after each approach. |
| Skipping the bad nights | Log them first. |
| Counting near-misses as approaches | Note them in your session notes. |
| Changing your definition of success | Write it down on day 1. |
| Checking stats more often than you go out | Look once a week. |
| Reading success rate on a small sample | Watch volume and hesitation ratio until you have more data. |
| Collecting details about people | Log your actions only. |
| Treating a rejection as a failure | It's a rep. It counts in your total like a success. See handling rejection. |
What to do next
- Today: Write your definition of "success" in your notes app.
- Next outing: Start a Run Game session and tap Success or Rejected after every approach. Add one note line each.
- Within 24 hours: Write the session total and one sentence on how it felt.
- Sunday: Run the four numbers and fill in the weekly template.
- After 4 weeks: Compare weeks 1 and 4: volume, hesitation ratio, funnel. Check Stats in Run Game for streaks and the funnel.
- If something repeats: Work on it with the sticking points process. For the confidence side, see building real confidence.