Run Game Approaching

How to meet people by volunteering

5 min read

Volunteering is a good place to meet people, as long as you go for the cause first. You'll spend hours next to the same group, doing something that matters to them, with plenty of natural things to talk about. The catch is speed. It's slow, and treating it as a place to find a date can show.

Here's how to choose a role, what the research says about time and friendship, and what to do when you like someone.

How common it is, and why people do it

In the US, 28.3% of people aged 16 and over did formal volunteering between September 2022 and September 2023, about 75.7 million people, according to the Census Bureau and AmeriCorps (a supplement to the Current Population Survey, about 47,000 respondents). The average per volunteer was 70 hours across the year. So you're joining a large group of people, and many of them are there for the same reason as you: to do something useful.

Why do people volunteer? A 1998 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology by Clary and colleagues proposed six motivations and built a questionnaire to measure them: values, understanding, social, career, protective and enhancement. "Social" is on the list, so wanting company is an ordinary reason. The same paper found that volunteers whose experience matched their motivations reported more satisfaction and stronger intentions to keep going. In practice, a role you actually like is one you're more likely to still be showing up to in three months, and the hours only add up if you keep going.

The slow payoff, in numbers

Friendship takes hours. In a 2018 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Jeffrey Hall of the University of Kansas surveyed 355 adults who had recently moved, and followed 112 first-year students. His estimates: about 40 to 60 hours together to become casual friends, 80 to 100 hours to become friends, and more than 200 for a close friend. He also found that time spent socializing (joking around, hanging out) counted for more than time spent working together.

These are estimates from self-reports, and they won't predict any one friendship. But they point two ways. A three-hour weekly shift adds up to about 78 hours over six months, so it takes a while. And the talk at the start, the break and the end counts for more than the work itself, so stay for the chat.

The tradeoffs

Volunteering isn't the best fit for everyone.

For it: You have a built-in reason to be there, a shared goal, repeat contact with the same people, and a setting where people expect to chat. It doesn't hinge on one conversation going well.

Against it: It's slow, it takes real time on a schedule, and the group may be mixed in age or mostly people you wouldn't date. Some roles, like data entry or quiet sorting, offer little chance to talk. And if you're only there for dating, other volunteers may sense it. Hobbies and classes are another route with a similar rhythm but without the cause.

Pick a role with teamwork

Roles where people work in pairs or small crews give you more to talk about:

Ask the coordinator what the team looks like and how big it is. A crew of eight who see each other weekly gives you more than a once-a-year event with a thousand strangers. Crews talk in groups, so knowing how to join a circle and wait for a turn (group conversation skills) pays off on the break.

Show up, weekly

Pick one organization and one regular shift. A weekly slot beats scattered one-offs. Arrive ten minutes early, learn names, ask people about their day, offer to take the heavy end, and stay for the cleanup or the coffee afterward. Mention a plan casually: "A few of us usually grab food after, want to come?" Groups often have social events too. Say yes to the first two invitations. If you land at one on your own, going to events alone has the arrive-early and exit-plan basics.

The same ideas apply if you're new in town. How to meet people in a new city has a first-month plan, and making friends as an adult guy covers the friendship side.

Be there for the cause

Don't treat the group as a pool of options. Do the work properly and be reliable. Talk to everyone, not only the person you're attracted to. Respect the organization's rules. Many have policies about volunteers contacting the people they serve, such as clients, patients or participants, so don't ask those people out, and ask the coordinator if you're unsure.

Make friends first. Friendships here are worth having on their own, and a friendship is a fine place for something else to start or not.

If you like someone

Wait until you've known them for several weeks and have had a few real conversations. Ask once, privately, away from the group, and make it easy to decline. For example: "I've enjoyed working with you. Would you want to get coffee sometime outside of this?" If it's a yes, great. If it's a no or a hedge, say "No problem, see you Saturday" and mean it. You still have to work together, so be friendly the next week without making it awkward. If they seem uncomfortable around you after, give them room.

What to do next

  1. Pick two causes you care about. Look up each organization's volunteer page this week.
  2. Email or call both and ask what the team looks like and which shift is most social.
  3. Commit to one weekly slot for eight weeks. Put it in your calendar like a class.
  4. Each shift, learn one new person's name and one thing about them. Keep a note on your phone.
  5. Stay for the end-of-shift chat or the group meal at least twice a month.
  6. After eight weeks, decide whether to stay, switch roles or switch organizations.

If you use Run Game, the forum has a Where to go topic and city boards where you can ask other members about local volunteer groups.

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