Run Game Approaching

How to meet people at the park, dog park or grocery store

5 min read

The best openers in these places come from the place itself: a dog, a book, a product, a view. You don't need a clever line. You need a real reason to say something and a read on whether this is a good moment.

Parks and grocery stores also have a catch. Most people there are doing something, whether that's running, walking a dog, shopping on a lunch break or keeping a toddler out of the produce. Your hello is competing with their plan. The approach below works around that.

What the research says about dogs and strangers

Dogs are the best-documented icebreaker in public spaces. In a 2000 study in the British Journal of Psychology, June McNicholas and Glyn Collis had observers go about ordinary outdoor routines either alone or with a dog trained to ignore passers-by, so the dog couldn't start contact itself. Having the dog increased social interactions, especially with strangers. In a second study, the observer's dress mattered somewhat (smart clothes drew more interactions), but the dog made the bigger difference. The full text isn't freely available, so the exact numbers aren't reproduced here.

A 2015 study in PLoS ONE (Wood and colleagues) surveyed 2,692 randomly selected residents by phone in Perth, San Diego, Portland and Nashville. Pet owners were more likely than non-owners to know people in their neighborhood (odds ratio 1.61), though not in Portland. Among pet owners in the three US cities, dog owners were more likely than other owners to call people they met through their pet friends. Response rate was 47%, the design can't show cause and effect, the authors say the four cities aren't representative of their countries, and the study was funded by a pet-nutrition company (the WALTHAM Centre, part of Mars Petcare).

Neither study was about dating. They show that a dog makes small talk easy, which is the point of a first hello.

At the dog park

Rules vary by park, so check the posted rules. Whole Dog Journal's etiquette guide suggests visiting without your dog first to learn how the park works, and says owners should stay alert to play that turns rough.

People at a dog park are watching their dogs, so conversation comes in short bursts between checks. Open with the dog:

Then ask about the owner's day, not just the dog. If the chat goes well, let it run through a few of the dog's laps around the park. Don't borrow a dog or pretend one is yours. You'd be starting the conversation on a false footing, and your real reason for being there would show sooner or later.

At the park

Look for people who are still or slow: sitting on a bench, waiting for a friend, reading, sketching, setting up a picnic. Runners mid-run, people with headphones in, anyone on a call and people minding small children are busy. Skip them.

Good openers tie to what's in front of you:

Keep it to a short exchange the first time.

At the grocery store

A grocery store is a bad place for a long chat and a fine place for a one-minute exchange. People are on a task, often with a list and a time limit, and the aisles are narrow. Two rules matter most: don't block the aisle, and don't follow anyone from one aisle to the next.

Good moments are the ones where someone is already looking at something, like two jars of sauce, or waiting at the deli counter or in the checkout line. Staff are working and a friendly manner is part of the job, so don't read it as interest. Openers:

Cues that someone's in a hurry: a quick pace, a phone to the ear, a full cart and kids, eyes on a list. Cues they might talk: slowing down, turning toward you, asking a question back, smiling.

Ask for the number, small

If the chat is going well, you can make a small ask while you're both still relaxed. For example:

Offering yours leaves the choice of whether to text with the other person, and give her your number covers the tradeoffs. A "no" or a "maybe" that sounds like a no is the end of it: "No problem, enjoy the rest of your day." Our guides on how to ask for a number and how to end a conversation well go further.

This matters beyond manners. In the 2019 US national study (NORC, 1,182 women and 1,037 men, as summarized by Stop Street Harassment), 68% of women and 23% of men reported sexual harassment in a public place such as a street, store, park or restaurant. Plenty of people are cautious in these spaces for that reason, so a calm, short, easy-to-decline approach is a common default.

What to do next

  1. Pick one place you already go: your usual park, a dog park, a grocery store. You don't need a new one.
  2. Plan three openers tied to that place, such as a dog question, a product question or a book question.
  3. Have one short exit line ready: "Nice talking to you. Enjoy the rest of your day."
  4. Aim for two friendly conversations this week with anyone, not only someone you're attracted to. That's practice, and it counts.
  5. After each, jot a note: where, what you said, how they responded. If you used a number ask, note how it went.

If you use Run Game, log an approach as Success or Rejected with an optional note, and put things like "skipped, she was rushing" in the session notes.

For the wider picture of daytime spots, see situational approaches, day game and how to start a conversation with a stranger.

If this is on your mind, talking to someone on the bus or train goes further.

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