Run Game Conversation

Good morning texts: do they help, and how to send one

5 min read

A good morning text can help once someone has shown she's interested and the two of you already text regularly. It works best when it's specific, short and asks for nothing back. Sent on day one, or as a daily routine she hasn't asked for, it can feel like more than the relationship is ready for.

People disagree about this. Some love a daily message and some find it a lot, and we found no research on what works in early dating, so treat everything below as advice, not a rule.

What research says (and doesn't)

The best-known related study isn't about dating. Schade, Sandberg, Bean, Busby and Coyne (2013, Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy) surveyed 276 young adults across the U.S. who were in serious relationships (38%), engaged (46%) or married (16%). About 82% texted their partner several times a day. Sending affectionate texts was linked to stronger relationships for both men and women, and sending mattered more than receiving. For men, more frequent texting overall was linked to lower relationship quality, and the authors say they don't know why.

The limits are big. The findings are correlational, so they don't show that texts cause stronger relationships. Everyone was already in a committed relationship, and the measure was relationship quality, not satisfaction with a daily message. And "affectionate texts" isn't the same as "good morning". Nothing in the study tells you what a daily text does in week two of dating someone. (Based on BYU's news summary, not the paper.)

What it does show is that, among committed couples, affectionate texts went with stronger relationships, while heavy texting wasn't a plus for everyone. That fits the plain answer: it depends on the person and the stage.

When it fits the stage

Stage Good morning text?
Just met, a first text or two Skip. She doesn't know you yet, and a routine can feel presumptuous
After a good first date, talking regularly An occasional one is fine, especially if she sends them too
A few dates in, she's warm and replying Reasonable, if it's your style and hers
In a relationship Whatever you both like

Two signals matter more than the calendar. Does she start texts and answer warmly? And does she send one first sometimes? If the answers are yes, a good morning text is a natural thing. If she answers in one word or after hours, hold off and look at how often to text someone you're dating.

Generic versus specific

"Good morning" with a sun emoji isn't offensive, but it's also the text everyone sends. It asks nothing and offers nothing, and it can feel like a box to tick. A short, specific message works better because it shows you thought of her in particular.

Generic Specific
"Good morning" "Morning. Good luck with the presentation today."
"Gm beautiful" "Hope the new job is going well. You mentioned the first week was the hardest."
"Morning :)" "Saw the sunrise on my run and thought of your 6 a.m. sprints. Have a good one."

Specific works because it refers to something she said. Using callbacks is the same idea, and how to text a girl without being boring has more ways to do it.

Example texts

Before something that matters to her:

"Morning. Big day, right? You've got this."

After a good date:

"Morning. Had a really good time last night. Hope your commute isn't too bad."

When it's an inside joke:

"Morning. Remember to hydrate. Unlike me with my fourth coffee."

When she's been stressed:

"Morning. No need to reply, I just hope today is easier than yesterday."

Casual and light:

"Morning. The coffee shop by my place has your pistachio croissant. Just saying."

All of them are one or two lines and make no demands. None asks "why haven't you texted?" or "what are you doing today?" A text that expects an answer by a certain time turns a pleasant moment into a chore.

No pressure to reply

The most useful rule is that a good morning text shouldn't need a response. Write it so she can answer in five seconds, or later, or not at all. If she's driving, in a meeting or asleep, nothing is lost. A text that ends in a question ("What are you up to today?") isn't wrong, but it does ask for a reply, so save those for when you want a conversation.

If she doesn't reply, don't send a follow-up about it. Double texting covers why a nudge about the first message tends to land badly.

Both views on daily check-ins

For: A regular morning message is a small, steady way to show someone you think about them. Some people find it comforting, and it can set a warm tone for the day. For long-distance couples or busy schedules, it can be a main point of contact.

Against: Some people find a daily message to be an obligation. If you send one every day, the day you skip can feel like a message. In the early days it can feel like a level of closeness the other person hasn't chosen. It can also push someone who doesn't text much to answer faster than she'd like, which changes what you're learning about her.

Neither view is wrong. The way to settle it is to ask, or to watch. "Do you like morning texts, or is that too much?" is a fair question once you've been seeing each other a while.

If she's not into it

Signs it isn't landing: one-word replies, long delays, or comments like "you don't need to text me every day." Take it at face value and scale back. Keep your messages for when you've got something to say. That's not a loss. She takes hours to reply and dry texter or not interested help with sorting out whether it's her texting style or something else, and what to text after a first date covers the days right after you meet.

What to do next

  1. Check the stage. If you've had fewer than two dates, skip the daily habit.
  2. Look at her pattern. Does she text first sometimes and reply with warmth? If not, hold off.
  3. Make the text specific. Refer to something she told you, like a meeting, a trip or a deadline.
  4. Keep it to one or two lines with no question you need answered.
  5. Send it once, then do something else. No follow-up if she's quiet.
  6. Vary it. Don't let it become a script. Skip some days.
  7. After three weeks of dating, ask whether she likes them, and go by her answer.

Sources