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Emoji, photos and voice notes in texting: using them well

6 min read

Emoji, photos and voice notes all do one job: they carry what plain text can't, such as tone, a moment from your day, the sound of your voice. Used lightly, they make a message easier to read. Used too much, or at the wrong moment, they can make it harder. The safest default is to match what the other person already sends, and to ask before you try a new format.

Emoji: what they do, and what the research says

An emoji is mostly a tone label. "See you at 7" is neutral. "See you at 7 :)" is warm. "See you at 7?? lol" is looser. That's useful, because text has no face or voice.

Three findings are worth knowing, along with their limits.

Context changes the effect. Researchers Ella Glikson, Arik Cheshin and Gerben van Kleef ran three experiments on first impressions in work emails, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2017. In formal work emails from a stranger, a smiley did not make the sender seem warmer and made them seem less competent. In informal contexts it came across as friendlier. The study was about workplace first contact, not dating, so it doesn't tell you what a smiley does in a text to someone you've been chatting with. Its authors' own conclusion was that a smiley works better between people who already know each other.

The same emoji can look different. A 2016 paper from the University of Minnesota's GroupLens lab (Hannah Miller and colleagues) ran an online survey of 334 participants on how people read popular emoji. The same emoji is drawn differently on different platforms, such as iPhone and Android, and the researchers found significant potential for miscommunication, both for individual emoji and across platforms. It's a survey of one group of online participants, so treat the finding as a caution rather than a measurement. Practical effect: a sarcastic or ambiguous emoji might not read the way you meant it.

People may judge you by your emoji use, and those judgments can be off. Psychologists Linda Kaye, Stephanie Malone and Helen Wall wrote in Trends in Cognitive Sciences (2017) that people make judgments about others based on emoji use, and that these judgments aren't necessarily accurate. That was a short forum paper, not a new experiment. The idea to take from it is simple: don't assume a lot of emoji, or none, says much about a person.

Rules of thumb

These are habits, not laws.

Photos: small and relevant

A photo can be the best text you send. A picture of the weird sandwich you ordered, the dog you walked past, the view from where you're studying. It gives her something specific to react to, which is the point of a good text. A few guidelines:

Intimate images: don't send them unasked

This part is short. Don't send explicit or intimate photos to someone who hasn't asked for them. Consent matters here as much as in person, and a text can't be taken back.

Unwanted images are a documented problem. A 2017 Pew Research Center survey of 4,248 US adults found that roughly half (53%) of young women ages 18 to 29 said someone had sent them explicit images they did not ask for. The figure covers one group of recipients. It says nothing about who sends them, and it doesn't mean men don't receive them too.

It's also becoming a legal matter. In England and Wales, sending a sexual image with intent to cause alarm, distress or for sexual gratification became a criminal offence in January 2024 under the Online Safety Act 2023, with a maximum of two years in prison, according to the UK government. Laws differ by country and US state, so check yours.

If someone sends you an intimate image you didn't ask for, you don't have to reply, and you shouldn't forward it. If someone shares one with you because they trust you, keep it private.

Voice notes: when they're welcome

A voice note is a message you speak and the other person plays when they like. It carries tone better than text and doesn't require a live call. Voice notes are popular with some groups. In the Uswitch survey of 2,000 people, as reported by Outlook India in 2024, 37% of 18-to-34-year-olds said they prefer voice notes to phone calls, compared with 1% of 35-to-54-year-olds. That was a commercial survey, so it shows a pattern in one poll, not what any particular person wants.

The research on voice notes is thin. The Kumar and Epley experiments found that live voice conversation built more connection than text, but according to the British Psychological Society's summary, they didn't test voice notes, so we don't know whether recorded messages work the same way. Some people find them quick and personal. Others find them slow, since you can't skim them.

A few habits help:

See phone call or text for when a call is the better pick.

What to do next

  1. Count your emoji. Look at your last ten messages to someone you like. Aim for fewer than one per message.
  2. Mirror for a week. Match her pattern of emoji, length and speed.
  3. Send one photo from your day. Make it specific, with a one-line caption.
  4. Ask about voice notes. Next time it comes up naturally, ask whether she likes them.
  5. Set a voice note limit. Keep each one under 30 seconds.
  6. Make a no-send rule. No intimate images unless the other person has clearly asked, and no screenshots of private chats.
  7. Read it back. Before sending, check whether the message would still make sense without the emoji.

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