Run Game Approaching

How to approach a group: a step-by-step routine

Updated 6 min read

Most people you'll want to meet are with someone. The Mystery Method's answer, as summarized in coverage of The Game and on Wikipedia's page on the seduction community, was to approach the group rather than the individual and give every member attention first. The idea is that the friends then stop being a wall and become an audience on your side.

Here's the routine in order, with lines and time limits.

Before you walk over: 5 seconds of reading

Check three things.

  1. Is the group open? People at the edge of the bar, glancing around, standing in a loose shape are open. A tight circle in the middle of a story is not.
  2. How many are there? You can approach two, three, or more. Whatever the size, you will open the whole group.
  3. Is anyone clearly a couple? If a man in the group has an arm around her, say hello to everyone and keep the chat brief.

Then use the three-second rule, which is also from Mystery's teaching: once you've decided, go within three seconds.

Step 1: open to everyone (0 to 15 seconds)

Walk in from the front. Stop an arm's length or a little more away, slightly angled, and say your line to the whole group while sweeping eye contact across them.

Todd Valentine teaches simple openers: "Hey, excuse me" followed by your actual question, or "Hey, you're really cute. I wanted to come and say hi." For a group, pick the first and aim it at everyone. Other lines to try:

Todd V's tip on openers also applies: stay flexible. Watch how they respond before you decide what comes next.

Step 2: give all of them attention (15 to 60 seconds)

This is Mystery Method's core instruction for groups. Turn to each person, ask or answer something, and learn their names. Laugh at their jokes. Keep your question light enough that anyone can answer.

The second question also tells you who's a friend, who's a coworker, and who's a partner.

Speak loudly enough to be heard and keep talking for the first minute, as in Todd V's daygame advice.

Step 3: use a time frame (at about 30 to 60 seconds)

Mystery's false time constraint, described in the same summaries, is a line that shows you're not planning to stay all night. Todd V's version is "I've gotta run in a second, but..." Todd V says it buys roughly 30 seconds.

A plain version: "I'll leave you to your night in a minute, but first..."

Step 4: turn toward her and say why you came (1 to 3 minutes)

After the group is relaxed, angle your body toward the person you came for. Keep including the others with a glance or a question every so often, but speak to her directly.

Say it loud enough for the friends to hear. It tells everyone what's happening, and her reaction is easy to read.

If you have a wingman, this is where the role matters. The wingman's job in the Mystery Method is to keep the friends engaged while you talk to the person you came for. Wikipedia's entry on the wingman describes the same functions: social proof, easing the interaction between one man and a group of women, and occupying her companions. Agree who talks to whom before you walk over. Going out alone vs with a wingman has the ground rules.

Step 5: close (by minute 3 to 5)

You can change venues in plain view: "It's loud. Want to grab a drink at the bar, ten minutes?" Say it where her friends can hear it. If she hesitates or looks at her friends, stay put.

Or close with the number. Corey Wayne's approach is "approach, set the date and move on," and he scripts the phone call as: "Hey, here's my number. Give me a call and let's chat for a bit and maybe meet up for a drink."

A group-friendly version:

Put the number in your phone right there. Say goodbye to every person by name, not only to her. The friends often get a say later.

When the group says no

A no from the group, or from her, means you stop and leave on a good note.

What happens What to say or do
A friend says "We're in the middle of something" "Got it, enjoy your night." Walk away.
Short answers, nobody asks you anything Wrap up: "I'll let you get back to it. Nice meeting you."
She is pulled to the bathroom or dance floor Let it happen. Don't follow. If she wants to chat, she'll come back.
You click with the friends, not with her Enjoy the conversation, say goodbye warmly, move to the next group.
A man in the group is her boyfriend "Nice to meet you both." Chat one more minute, then go.

Common mistakes and fixes

Mistake Fix
Talking only to her in the first minute Say a name and a sentence to every person first.
A joke that only she could laugh at Use a topic that anyone can answer, like places, food, or a plan.
Staying past minute five without progress Close or leave, then log it and move on.
Splitting your attention evenly forever After about a minute, tilt to her and include the rest in short bursts.
Opening with a story you made up Use a real question. A follow-up will expose a made-up one.
Forgetting the friends at the end Say goodbye to each person.

What to do next

  1. Pick one venue this week and aim for three group approaches in an evening.
  2. Use the same opener each time so you can compare results: "Hey, excuse me. Settle something for us..."
  3. In each set, learn at least two names before you speak to the person you came for.
  4. Set a five-minute limit per group. Close or leave by then.
  5. If you have a friend, agree beforehand who handles which person. In Run Game, you can post a plan on the Map's Near you and see who's going out within 50 miles.
  6. Log each set as Success or Rejected, and note in one line how the friends reacted.

For bar-specific tips on noise and timing, see night game. To read whether she's engaged, use signs of interest. For the number ask, see how to ask for a number.

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