Run Game Approaching

How to talk to someone who's walking past you

6 min read

To talk to someone who's walking past, get into their view early and from the side, say one sentence at a normal volume that explains why you spoke, and offer an exit in the same breath. Many people won't stop, and that's an ordinary result, not a sign you did it wrong. If they slow down or turn toward you, continue. If they keep walking, let them go.

Street approaches are a hard way to meet someone, because the other person is in motion with somewhere to be. You get a few seconds. Here's how to use them without making the moment worse for either of you.

Decide first: is this a moment at all?

Walking pace tells you a lot. A relaxed stroll, a stop at a shop window or someone looking around is very different from a fast walk with a destination, a phone call, or both ears covered. A fast walker is mid-task, and a hello from a stranger is an interruption however nicely it's put.

A rule of thumb: if you'd have to jog or step in front of them to speak, skip. How to choose who to approach, and when to skip has the longer list of cues, and the headphones post covers the most common one.

Walking alongside or asking them to stop

There are two ways to start, and each has costs.

Walking alongside Asking them to stop
How it works You catch up from the side and speak at their pace You speak as they approach and ask for a moment
Good about it They keep moving, so it feels less like being blocked, and they can leave by walking on A clear request, so they can say yes or no
Costs Matching a stranger's pace can feel like being followed, especially from behind or at night Stopping means interrupting their plan, and some feel put on the spot
Fits when The person is strolling and it's daytime on a busy sidewalk They're already looking your way

A common middle path is to come in from the front or the side, where they can see you, rather than from behind. If you've had to speed up to reach them, slow down before you speak so you're not out of breath and so you're not looming. Never block a path, step into their way, or reach out to touch someone.

Volume and speed

Nerves push both in the wrong direction. People tend to speak too fast and either too loudly (to be heard over traffic) or too quietly (because they're embarrassed).

Your voice matters more than your words explains why steady pace and a lower, calmer tone read as friendly.

A first sentence that explains why you stopped them

Strangers wonder, in the first two seconds, "what does this person want?" Answer that before they have to ask. A good first line names the reason, is short, and doesn't pretend to be something it isn't.

The first two are honest about the reason. Faking a question to get someone to stop can feel like a trick once the real reason appears.

Then add the exit: "No worries if you're in a rush." It sounds like a throwaway, but it turns "will you stop for me?" into "do you want to?", and the second is easier to answer honestly.

Reading the response in the first few seconds

You'll get one of these:

If they stop, they may still be on a timer. Watch for glances at the time and a stance turned back the way they were going.

The "I'll let you go" exit

The most useful sentence in a street approach is the one that ends it. Doing it well means they don't have to.

A no or a hurried "I have to go" means stop. How to end a conversation has more lines in this spirit.

How people react varies, and that's worth saying

People's reports of how street approaches land are mixed. Some say they'd welcome a friendly hello from a stranger, some say it's an unwelcome interruption, and many say it depends on how the person does it. Some people have also experienced unwanted attention in public, which can colour how they feel about any approach. The 2019 national study published by Stop Street Harassment and fielded by NORC at the University of Chicago surveyed 1,182 women and 1,037 men. It reported that 81% of women and 43% of men had experienced some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime. That figure covers a broad range of experiences, not just approaches, and isn't a measure of how a polite hello is received. It's still a reason to stay brief and be easy to decline.

That isn't a reason to never speak. It's a reason to read the moment and take a no instantly.

What to do next

  1. Choose a walking-pace rule. "I only speak to people who are strolling, stopped or looking around."
  2. Write your first sentence and your exit sentence. Practice them aloud at a normal volume so they come out in under six seconds.
  3. Pick a spot with a slow flow. A park path, a market, or a shop-window street in daylight beats a fast commuter sidewalk.
  4. Set a small target. For one afternoon, say your line to two idle people and accept the result. Keep the count low and the standard simple: you spoke politely and left cleanly.
  5. After each one, write one line. What you saw, what you said and how it went.

Run Game lets you log each approach as Success or Rejected with an optional note, so a week of short street attempts adds up to numbers you can look at.

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