Run Game Conversation

What to talk about with a girl: topics that work

6 min read

What to talk about with a girl is mostly the same as what to talk about with anyone you're getting to know: what's around you, what she's doing, what she cares about, and what you both find funny. There isn't a girl-specific topic list, and people vary too much for one to work. What helps is a handful of reliable categories and a way to move from light to personal at a pace she's comfortable with.

Below are the topic groups that tend to work, how to use them in person and over text, how to go deeper, and what to save for later.

Start with what's in front of you

The easiest topic is the one you both share right now: the place, the event, the song, the weather, the line you're standing in. It needs no background and carries no risk.

Say what you notice, then ask one question. After a few exchanges, move to her. See how to start a conversation with a stranger for openers by place.

The topic groups that usually work

Think of these as five drawers you can open. You don't need all of them in one conversation.

Group What it sounds like
Today and this week "How's your week going?" "Anything you're looking forward to this weekend?"
What she's into Shows, music, sports, games, books, cooking, a hobby. "What are you watching right now?"
Work or school "What do you actually do all day?" "What's your favorite class so far?"
Places and plans Hometown, a trip she took, somewhere she wants to go, her favorite place nearby.
Little opinions Low-stakes debates: best pizza topping, mornings vs nights, the worst movie everyone likes.

Little opinions work well because they're easy to answer and easy to tease about. "Pineapple on pizza, yes or no, and be honest" gives both of you something to play with. Keep any teasing friendly, and drop it if she doesn't join in.

In person vs over text

In person, you have tone, eyes and the room to work with. Questions can be short because your face carries the rest. Comments on what's around you are an easy way in.

Over text, you have none of that, so topics need a bit more of a hook:

You'll find more on this in how to text a girl without being boring.

How to go deeper

Small talk is a start, not a goal. Conversations often get more interesting when a topic moves from facts to feelings or stories. A few ways to do it:

  1. Follow the energy. When her voice picks up or she talks faster, that may be the topic to stay on.
  2. Ask "how" and "what" questions. "How'd you get into climbing?" opens more than "Do you climb?"
  3. Ask for the story behind a fact. "You lived in Portland? What took you there?"
  4. Share something of your own. Say a short honest thing back, then turn it to her. If she tells you about her sister, you can mention your own sibling in a sentence.
  5. Go one level at a time. Facts first, then opinions, then what matters to her.

This is what conversation threading means in practice: catch a detail, ask about it, and keep a few other details for later.

What the research says about going deeper

In a 1997 study led by Arthur Aron, pairs of people who didn't know each other asked each other a series of 36 questions that got more personal over about 45 minutes. A comparison group asked 36 small-talk questions. The pairs who asked the personal ones reported a greater increase in closeness, according to the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. The summary also describes the findings as preliminary and says more research is needed on other groups. It was a structured lab task between strangers, not a first meeting at a bar, and nobody should read it as a script.

The first questions in that set are mild, like "Would you like to be famous? In what way?" A rule of thumb: questions at that level suit a second or third conversation, and the later, more personal ones can wait much longer.

Topics that tend to work on a first date

If you've already met and are planning a date, the list in first date questions has more, and talking stage questions covers the weeks of texting before it. The short version: the past week, a hobby, a trip, food, something she's looking forward to, and one thing that made her laugh recently.

Topics to save for later

These aren't banned. They're just heavy for a first or second conversation, and they work better once there's trust.

If a topic makes her go quiet or change the subject, drop it and ask about something else.

When you run out

It happens. Three fast fixes:

For more on this, see how to keep a conversation going after "hi".

What to do next

  1. Write down five topics you could talk about for ten minutes: a show, a hobby, a trip, a place, a story. Say each out loud once.
  2. Make a list of ten follow-up questions starting with how, what, or why. Keep it on your phone.
  3. In your next conversation, use one thing from the room you're in as your first topic, then ask about her.
  4. Aim for two layers: follow one answer with a question that asks for the story behind it.
  5. Match your texts to hers in length, and refer to something specific you both know.
  6. Park the heavy topics (exes, politics, money) until you've talked at least a few times and she's brought one up herself.

Run Game has a forum topic called Openers where people trade what they say, and you can add a short note to any logged approach about what topic worked.

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