Run Game Conversation

Talking stage questions to ask a girl

Updated 5 min read

The talking stage is the early stretch of texting and getting to know someone before anything is official. You've swapped numbers or matched, you're chatting most days, and nobody has said what this is yet. It's also where the usual "how was your day?" runs dry fast, which is why people go looking for talking stage questions and conversation starters.

Below are 35 questions in five groups, ordered roughly from light to personal. Use them as a menu, not a script. The bigger skill is how you ask them, so that comes first.

Don't turn it into an interview

Ten questions in a row feels like a form, even if each one is good. Three habits fix it.

Aim for roughly one question to every two or three other messages. Some days it's just a meme and a "ha, same."

Easy openers

Low effort, easy to answer, good for days one to four.

  1. What's the best thing you've watched this month?
  2. What's a song you've had on repeat lately?
  3. Are you a morning person or a night person?
  4. What's your go-to coffee order?
  5. What did you get up to this weekend?
  6. What's the most random thing you've learned this week?

Fun and hypothetical

These work because there's no wrong answer, and the reasoning is the interesting part.

  1. A free flight, leaving tomorrow. Where are you going?
  2. What's a harmless hill you'll defend forever?
  3. You can only eat one cuisine for a year. Which?
  4. What would your reality show be about?
  5. Which fictional place would you actually move to?
  6. What's an unpopular food opinion you hold?
  7. What was your worst phase growing up? Haircut, music, all of it.

Number 13 pairs well with a photo of your own bad phase, if you have one.

Getting to know her life

Ask these once there's a little trust. They get longer, warmer answers than "how was work?"

  1. What's the best part of your week?
  2. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
  3. What are you into that most people don't know about?
  4. How did you end up in this city?
  5. What's your family like?
  6. Who's the friend that always makes the plan?
  7. What do you do to wind down after a long day?

If she mentions a friend, a sibling or a project by name, remember it. Asking "how did your sister's move go?" a week later does more than any clever question.

Values and what she wants

Save these for when the chat has some momentum. Ask one at a time, and be ready to answer it yourself.

  1. What does a good week look like for you?
  2. What are you working toward right now?
  3. What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?
  4. What do you value most in a friend?
  5. Are you happiest with a packed Saturday or an empty one?
  6. What's something you won't compromise on?
  7. What are you looking for right now: something serious, or seeing what's out there?
  8. What does a good relationship look like to you?

Number 27 is a question many people skip, and it can save a lot of time. Say your own answer in plain words. "I'm looking for something real, not a pen pal" is fine. If her answer is different from yours, you've learned that in week one instead of week eight.

Questions that set up a date

These are the bridge. Each one sneaks a place or a plan into the chat.

  1. What's a spot in town you keep meaning to try?
  2. Coffee or a walk, which would you pick?
  3. Where do you go for a drink that isn't too loud?
  4. Is there a market, show or exhibit on your list?
  5. What's the best meal you've had around here?
  6. What's your ideal low-key afternoon?
  7. What are you doing Saturday?

The last one is a real question with a real purpose, so don't hide it. If she says she's free, you have your opening.

When the answers get short

One-word replies don't always mean no. She might be at work, tired, or bad at texting. Dry texter or not interested? covers how to tell. A decent test is to send one good, easy question and see whether she returns energy within a day or two. If she asks you things back and brings up ideas of her own, that's a good sign. If you're carrying every message for a week, pick a last one, make it an invitation, and let her answer or not.

From texting to meeting

Many people find the talking stage works best when it's short. Texting builds familiarity, but tone and chemistry are easier to judge in person.

A rough rule: if you've chatted for a week or two and the conversation is warm, ask. Keep it small. "I'd like to see you in person. Coffee Saturday afternoon? An hour, tops" is easier to say yes to than a full dinner. Micro-dates explains why short first meetings work, and how to ask someone out has more lines. For what to do once she says yes, see first date ideas.

If she says no or "maybe another time," take it at face value. Reply "No worries, good talking to you," and leave it there.

What to do next

  1. Pick five questions from the groups above, one from each, and rewrite them in your own words so they sound like you.
  2. Write your answers first. For each question, jot a one-line answer you'd happily send. If you can't answer it, don't ask it.
  3. Use them over a week, not a day. Aim for one question every few messages, with statements and jokes in between.
  4. Ask one question from the values group by day seven or so, and share your own answer in the same message.
  5. Propose a meeting by day 10 to 14 if the chat is still warm. Name a place, a day and a length of time.
  6. If she says yes, text the details once (where, when) and stop. Don't keep chatting all week to "build up" to it.

If you log approaches in Run Game, Stats has an outcome funnel with steps for got number, texted, date set and went on a date, so you can see how many of the people you meet make it from a number to an actual meeting. The forum's Texting topic is a good place to describe a stalled chat and ask what you could try next.