First date questions that lead somewhere

Good first date questions tend to get her telling a story, not handing you a one-word answer. "What do you do?" gets a job title. "What's the best part of your week so far?" gets something you can actually follow.

If you've searched for what to talk about on a first date, here's the short version: ask about moments instead of categories, follow what she says, and answer your own questions. The rest of this is the menu. For the texting version of this, see talking stage questions. This one is for when you're sitting across from her.

Openers for the first five minutes

The first few minutes are for settling in. Skip anything heavy. You're both a little nervous, and a light question gives you both something easy to say.

"How's your day been so far?"
"Did you find this place okay?"
"Have you been here before? What do you order?"
"What was the best thing that happened today?"
"I've been looking forward to this all week, so I'm glad you picked a good day." (Say it only if it's true.)

Then comment on something real. The room, the drink, the walk over. Small and specific beats clever.

Questions that open stories

Category questions ("What's your favorite movie?") get a title and a shrug. Moment questions get a scene. Rewrite the first kind into the second.

Instead of "Do you like to travel?" try "What's the best trip you've taken, and what went wrong on it?"
Instead of "What are your hobbies?" try "What have you gotten way too into lately?"
Instead of "Where are you from?" try "How did you end up in this city?"
Instead of "What's your job like?" try "What's the strangest thing that's happened at work?"

A few more that tend to work:

What did you want to be when you were ten?
What was your worst phase growing up? Haircut, music, all of it.
Who's the funniest person you know, and what do they do that's funny?
What's a place you'd go back to tomorrow?
What's something you're oddly good at?
What's the best meal you've ever had, and who were you with?

Pick two or three that suit you. If you wouldn't be able to answer one yourself, leave it out.

The follow-up does the work

The first question starts it. The second one is where she feels listened to. A good follow-up grabs a detail she already gave you and asks for the next layer.

She says	You could ask
"I just started running."	"What got you started? Do you have a route you like?"
"I moved here for work."	"Was that a big decision or did it just kind of happen?"
"My sister's getting married."	"Are you in the wedding? What's your job?"
"I do pottery on Sundays."	"Okay, what's the worst thing you've made?"

Three all-purpose follow-ups cover most of it: "What was that like?", "How did that happen?" and "What did you do then?" There's a longer breakdown in conversation threading.

Also react before you ask. "Wait, you moved across the country alone at 19?" shows you heard it. Then ask.

A few deeper ones for later

As a rough guide, once you're 30 or 40 minutes in and the mood is warm, you can go a layer down. Not before. And only one at a time.

What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?
What does a really good week look like for you?
What are you working toward right now?
What's something people tend to get wrong about you at first?
What are you looking for right now, something serious or seeing what's out there?

Many people avoid that last one, and asking it early can save time. Say your own answer in plain words ("I'd like something real, with one person") and let hers be whatever it is. If your answers don't match, you've found that out on day one.

Ten questions in a row is a form. Trading answers fixes that.

Ask, then answer. "What's your worst phase? Mine involved a very ambitious haircut. You go." (Swap in your own.)
Answer first when it's a big one. "I'm trying to get better at cooking, mostly because I'm tired of eating the same three things. What are you working on?"
Keep your answers short. Thirty seconds, then hand it back. Longer stories are good if she asks for the rest. How to tell a good story in conversation covers how to keep them tight.
Aim for roughly half and half. If she's talked for ten minutes and you've said three sentences, tell something. If you've been going for ten, ask something.

Statements help too. "I walked past this place for a year before I came in" gives her something to react to. A question gives her a job.

Topics to skip on a first date

None of these are banned forever. They just carry more weight than a first meeting can hold.

A long account of your ex. If she asks, one calm sentence is plenty: "We split about a year ago, it ended fine." Then ask her something.
Complaints about your job, your roommates or your family. One gripe is human. Twenty minutes is the date.
Money and what people earn.
Arguing politics or religion for sport. If it comes up, say what you think, ask what she thinks, and let it go.
Her body or past partners. Questions about her sexual history aren't first-date material. A real compliment about her style or her laugh is fine.
Where this is heading. Marriage and kids timelines are better after you've had a few dates.
Heavy trauma. If something big comes up, listen. Don't pour out your own to match it.

When the talk stalls

A pause isn't a failure. Take a sip and look around. Then use something in front of you: "Okay, what are you ordering next time?" or go back to a thread from earlier. "You mentioned your sister's wedding. How's the planning going?" That does more than a fresh question from nowhere. Keeping a conversation going has more.

If your head is loud with nerves before you've even sat down, the questions won't fix that. See first date nerves for that part.

What to do next

Pick six questions from this page: two openers, three story questions, one deeper one. Rewrite each in your own words.
Write a short answer to each. If you can't, replace the question.
Practice a follow-up with a friend. They say one detail, you ask the second question, three times.
On the date, aim to ask the second question after every first one.
Share something about yourself every two or three questions. Keep it under 30 seconds.
Pick one deeper question and ask it only if she's relaxed around the 30 or 40 minute mark.
Afterward, write down which question got her talking most. Use more like it.

If you use Run Game, the forum's Dates topic is a good place to post a question that worked, or ask what to try when a date went quiet.