Run Game Practice

How to pick a group or club to join (and stick with it)

6 min read

Pick a group that meets on a regular schedule, is small enough that people learn each other's names, and is built around doing something together. Go three times before you decide whether it fits. If it doesn't, leave politely and try another. Most groups work out or don't within a month, so the cost of testing is low.

Why the format matters more than the topic

The topic gets all the attention ("should I do chess or climbing?"), but the structure decides whether you'll make friends. Time spent together is the raw material. Jeffrey Hall's 2018 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships surveyed 355 adults who had recently moved and 112 university freshmen. It estimated roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to reach "friend," and more than 200 hours for a close friend. The University of Kansas summary adds that time spent working together counted for less than time spent hanging out. These are survey estimates, not thresholds, but they suggest that a group meeting once a year won't get you far, and one meeting weekly can add up quickly.

A 2021 survey by the Survey Center on American Life (2,019 US adults, 14 to 23 May 2021, margin of error plus or minus 2.4 points) asked people with close friends where they met them. Workplace was 54 percent and school 47, through existing friends 40, neighborhood 35, and a club or organization 19 percent. So a club is one route among several, and not the most common one. If your first group doesn't work, other places to look include work, school and friends of friends.

Five things to look for

These are rules of thumb, not research findings.

  1. It's recurring. Weekly or every other week beats monthly. You need to see the same faces more than once for anything to stick.
  2. It's small. Eight to twenty regulars is easier than a hundred. In a big group, nobody notices if you skip, and nobody learns your name.
  3. It's built around an activity. Climbing, a run club, a class, an improv night, a volunteer shift, a board-game table. Something to do means you don't have to carry the conversation alone, and the talking happens in the gaps. Meet people through hobbies goes into which settings make talking easy.
  4. It's easy to get to. Fifteen to twenty-five minutes away is a sensible range. If getting there is a chore, you'll stop going the first rainy week.
  5. It has room for newcomers. A beginner night, a "new member" welcome, a group that introduces people, or leaders who say hello. Groups that are all long-time friends can be harder to join.

Also check the practical bits: the cost, the day and time (does it clash with work?), and whether the age range feels right. You don't need an exact match on every one, but you do need the schedule to work.

Which kinds of group are worth a look

Type Why it can work What to check
Sports league or club Weekly games, team talk Skill level, how often it meets
Run, bike or hike club Talk while moving Pace groups, beginner-friendly
Class or workshop Fixed group, shared task Whether it ends after a set number of weeks
Volunteering Shared purpose, regular shifts Which shifts involve working side by side
Game or trivia night Built-in conversation Whether tables mix new people
Interest group (book club, language swap, creative group) Specific topic to talk about Size, and whether anyone is new

Related: sports leagues, volunteering, and run clubs each have their own guide.

Try three, then decide

Pick one or two to try over the next few weeks. A first visit mostly shows you where things are and who's who, and it can feel awkward anywhere, so one visit can't tell you much. A reasonable plan is three visits, spaced a week apart.

Then ask yourself:

Two or three yeses and it's a keeper. One or none after three tries, and you're probably in the wrong place.

Staying with it

Groups take weeks to feel familiar. Some ways to make it stick:

When to leave

Leaving a group is normal, and you don't owe anyone a long explanation. Leave if:

A short message is enough: "Thanks for having me. My schedule changed, but I enjoyed it." Then try the next one. Trying a group and leaving it isn't failing. It narrows the search.

Run Game

Run Game has a forum with a "Where to go" topic and city boards, which can be a place to ask what groups people in your city like.

What to do next

  1. List three groups within 25 minutes of you that meet weekly. Search "[your city] + run club, climbing, improv, volunteer" and check what's beginner-friendly.
  2. Pick two and put the next three dates in your calendar.
  3. Go three times, a week apart, and talk to one new person each visit.
  4. After visit three, answer the four questions above in writing.
  5. Keep one and drop one, or try a third. Don't spend more than a month deciding.
  6. Once you're comfortable, take a small job and make one plan with someone from the group.

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