Run Game Practice

A 30-day social skills challenge: one small conversation a day

5 min read

A 30-day social skills challenge works like this: every day, have one small exchange with someone you don't know well, and make it a little bigger each week. Week 1 is a greeting, week 2 is small talk, week 3 is a question with a follow-up, and week 4 is a talk of five minutes or more. It takes a few minutes a day, and the goal is more comfortable conversations, not dates or numbers.

Why bother

There's some research behind the idea, with limits. In a field study by Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder (Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 2014), Chicago-area bus and train commuters were asked to talk to a neighbor, sit in solitude, or ride as usual. Those who talked reported a more positive commute, even though a separate group of commuters had predicted the opposite. The Chicago Booth Review summary, which was the only source read, gives no sample sizes. It covers commuters in one region, so it says little about lasting effects or about other places.

In the Boothby and colleagues "liking gap" studies (Psychological Science, 2018), people who'd had a conversation tended to underestimate how much their partner liked them. The Association for Psychological Science press summary gives no sample sizes. The takeaway for this challenge is modest: after a conversation you've judged harshly, the other person may have felt better about it than you did.

Neither is about dating. They suggest only that talking to people often goes better than we predict, and that predicting is the part worth testing. Rejection therapy uses a similar idea for hearing no, and how to make small talk covers the skill itself.

The rules

Week 1: greet (days 1 to 7)

The level: say hello, or thank someone with eye contact and a smile. Under 15 seconds.

If looking at people is the hard part, eye contact has a gentle ramp. Track how many seconds you looked at the person, just to see it grow.

Week 2: small talk (days 8 to 14)

The level: a comment on the shared situation and one reply back. About a minute.

Two exchanges each is plenty. How to start a conversation with a stranger lists more lines.

Week 3: ask and follow up (days 15 to 21)

The level: ask an open question, then ask a second one based on their answer. Two to three minutes.

The second question is the skill. It proves you listened and gives the other person a reason to keep going. If they answer in a few words, thank them and let it end.

Week 4: a longer talk (days 22 to 30)

The level: five minutes or more with one person, ending well. Aim for three of these across the week, and keep the other days at week 3.

What to track

Use a notes app, and keep it under 30 seconds a day.

Day 9 | Mon | coffee line | Level 2 | nerves before 6/10, after 3/10 | she laughed at the soup line | next: ask a second question

Five things: the day, where, the level, nerves before and after (0 to 10), and one line on what happened. After two weeks, look at the nerves numbers. If before-scores drop, that's the practice working. If they don't, you've learned where to look next.

Common snags

If anxiety around people feels bigger than a normal challenge, the 30-day approach anxiety plan is more gradual. If it limits your life, a doctor or therapist can help. That's an ordinary next step.

What to do next

  1. Write the four levels in your notes app today and set a daily alarm for a time you're usually out.
  2. Do your Day 1 greeting before you go to bed tonight.
  3. Log each day with the five fields above, in 30 seconds or less.
  4. On days 7, 14 and 21, spend five minutes comparing your nerves scores.
  5. On day 30, pick the one level that still feels hard and repeat it for a week.

Run Game is built for logging real approaches, not this challenge, so use your own notes here. When you're ready to start approaching someone you're attracted to, logging each one as Success or Rejected is where it picks up.

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