How to meet someone from online safely

Before you meet someone from a dating app or social media, you can check three things in about fifteen minutes. Does the person match their photos? Does their story hold together? Has anyone asked for money? Many meetups are just meetups. The checks are for the few that don't.

A catfish is someone using photos or an identity that isn't theirs. Some do it to scam, some to flirt without being themselves. The steps below catch both.

Check that they're real

Photos. Run a reverse image search on a profile photo or two (Google Lens or TinEye both work). If the pictures show up under another name, or on a stock or model site, you have your answer. The FTC advises this check, and says a photo linked to a different name or mismatched details is a sign of a scam. Some apps also offer photo verification, where a user takes a live selfie that's compared with their profile. A badge helps, but it's one signal, not a guarantee.

A call. A five to ten minute video call before you meet is the quickest check there is. It confirms the face, the voice and the basic story, and it makes the first meetup less of a leap. Tinder suggests a phone or video call before meeting in person.

A video call has costs. Some people are camera-shy, some are private about where they live, and some just dislike calls. If someone says no, offer a voice call or a quick chat in a public place with a time limit. One no isn't a verdict. What the FTC flags is the pattern: its 2024 post on romance scams treats excuses for why an in-person meeting is never possible as a warning sign.

Details that line up. Name, job, city and age should stay the same across a week of messages. Profiles can be slightly out of date, like an older photo. A different name, job or person is another matter.

Scam signs the FTC lists

The Federal Trade Commission's guide to romance scams lists these signs:

• The person quickly wants to move to email, phone or another messaging app.
• They say it's love, or talk about it very early, while living far away.
• They say they live or work far away, for example overseas, on an oil rig or in the military, so they can't meet.
• They message many times a day to build trust.
• They ask for money for medical bills, a plane ticket, a visa, fees, or a cryptocurrency investment, and they push you to act now.
• They ask you to pay by wire transfer, gift card, money transfer app or crypto.

Notice that no single item proves anything. Plenty of real people swap numbers quickly. A cluster is what matters, and the money request is the one to treat as a hard stop. The FTC's advice is "Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven't met in person."

What the numbers say

These are reports made to the FTC, which means they count what people reported, not everything that happened.

• In 2022, nearly 70,000 people reported a romance scam, with $1.3 billion in reported losses and a median reported loss of $4,400 (FTC Data Spotlight, February 9, 2023).
• In 2023, the FTC received 64,003 romance scam reports, with $1.14 billion in reported losses and a median loss of $2,000 per person (FTC Business Blog, February 13, 2024).
• Among people who lost money in 2022, 40% said contact began on social media and 19% said on a website or app. So these scams aren't only an app problem.
• Cryptocurrency and bank wires together made up more than 60% of reported losses in 2022. Gift cards were the most frequently reported payment method, at 24% of people who lost money.

Sextortion

The same FTC Data Spotlight reports that sextortion reports (threats to share intimate images unless you pay or send more) rose more than eightfold between 2019 and 2022. After adjusting for population, people aged 18 to 29 were over six times as likely as people 30 and over to report it. About 58% of 2022 sextortion reports named social media as the contact method.

The common-sense steps are short. Don't send intimate photos to someone you haven't met in person, move slowly when someone pushes the conversation that way fast, and if you're threatened, stop replying, keep screenshots, and report it to the app and to the FBI at complaint.ic3.gov, the route the FTC points to. Common advice is not to pay, since paying doesn't guarantee the images stay private.

Setting up the meetup

Once the checks pass, the plan is the same as for any first date:

• Public place, daytime if you can. A cafe or a busy street, for about an hour.
• Tell a friend or family member the person's name, a screenshot of the profile, where you'll be, and when you'll text. The FTC's advice is to meet in a public place and tell a friend or family member where you'll be.
• Use your own transport.
• Hold back personal details. Skip your home address, workplace and full schedule until you know the person. Last names can wait.
• Keep the first meetup short. You can always schedule a longer one.

If you arrive and the person looks nothing like their photos, or a different person shows up, you can leave. "This isn't what I expected, so I'm going to head out" is enough. That isn't rude. It's what the checks were for.

If something already went wrong

If you've sent money to someone you now doubt, stop contact, tell your bank or payment company right away, and report it to the FTC and the app. If you've been threatened with images, the same: stop, screenshot, report to the app and the FBI, and don't pay. Telling a friend is hard in these moments. It's also the step that gets you help fastest.

One more place you might meet people

Apps aren't the only online starting point. If you meet someone through the Map's Near you on Run Game, which shows live sessions and plans within 50 miles, the same steps apply: chat first, meet in public, tell a friend. For more on that, see how to find someone to go out with on Run Game.

What to do next

1. Reverse image search one or two of a match's photos before you agree to meet.
2. Suggest a 10-minute video or voice call the day before. Pick a time limit so it feels low stakes.
3. Write down three details from their profile (job, city, age) and see if they hold across your messages.
4. Set a hard rule on money: no transfers, gift cards or crypto to anyone you haven't met in person.
5. Send a friend the plan before the date: name, profile screenshot, venue, time.
6. Read matches but no dates if the issue is getting from chat to a meetup at all, and dating app profile tips for keeping your own profile accurate.

Sources

• Federal Trade Commission, What you need to know about romance scams (August 2022): signs of a romance scam and how scammers ask for payment.
• Federal Trade Commission, Romance scammers' favorite lies exposed (February 9, 2023): 2022 reports, losses, contact methods, payment methods, sextortion figures.
• Federal Trade Commission, "Love Stinks" - when a scammer is involved (February 13, 2024): 2023 reports and losses, reverse image search, meetup advice.
• Tinder, Safety tips for meeting in person (page read October 2026): phone or video call before meeting.