How many approaches per week is realistic?
For most beginners, 6 to 10 approaches a week, spread over two outings of 60 to 90 minutes, is a realistic target. If you're nervous, start at 3 to 6 and build up. People with more free time and more experience sometimes go higher, but there's no research-backed "right number." The best target is one you can hit every week without dreading it, because steady reps beat one huge night followed by three weeks off.
This number is a rule of thumb from common practice, not a finding from a study. Where the figures below come from, it says so.
Why there isn't one correct number
A few things change your answer.
Time. An approach is a few minutes, but an outing also includes getting there, warming up, walking between places and standing around deciding. A 60 to 90 minute outing producing 3 to 6 approaches is typical in the plans on this site.
Goal. Different goals call for different volume:
| Goal | A reasonable weekly range | What matters most |
|---|---|---|
| Get past the fear of starting | 3 to 6 | Doing it at all, in a place you chose |
| Build steady habits | 6 to 10 | Two outings a week, same days |
| Improve conversations | 8 to 12 | A short note after each one |
| Meet someone in a set period | 10 to 20 | Time you actually have, plus rest |
These ranges are advice, drawn from the schedules in the 100 approaches challenge (6, then 8, then 12 a week) and tracking your approaches (6 to 10 to start, then add 2 once the last two weeks felt boring). They aren't averages from research.
Life. Work, exams, travel, and your energy for a given week all count. A week with 3 approaches and a good night of sleep can beat a week with 15 and a bad headspace.
A beginner ramp
If you've never done this, the first approach of the week is the hard one. A gradual ramp keeps it manageable:
| Week | Outings | Approaches per outing | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 2 to 3 | 4 to 6 |
| 2 | 2 | 3 | 6 |
| 3 to 4 | 2 | 3 to 4 | 6 to 8 |
| 5 to 6 | 2 | 4 to 5 | 8 to 10 |
| 7 on | 2 to 3 | 4 to 5 | 8 to 15 |
Raise the target only once the previous week felt routine or even slightly dull. If a number leaves you dreading the outing, drop back to last week's number for a week. Warming up before you go out helps on the nights when starting is the hard part, and freezing before you approach covers the moment itself. For a more structured plan focused on nerves, see the 30-day approach anxiety plan.
Quality notes versus volume
Both have real advantages, and they pull in opposite directions.
What volume gives you. More conversations means more chances to see what actually happens, which tends to shrink the fear. It also makes any single outcome matter less, because one bad one is a smaller share of your week.
What it costs. Chasing a high count can turn conversations into box-ticking. You rush, you stop listening, and you can't remember the last three. Fatigue and a sense of pressure can build as well. Dating burnout covers the signs.
What quality notes give you. Two lines after each one (what you said, what happened, one change) turns a count into feedback. The cost is time, and the risk of overanalyzing.
A rule of thumb for balance: keep the target in a range where you can still write one real line after each approach. If you can't recall what you said in the last one, you're probably going faster than you can learn from.
Habits and missed weeks
Research on habit formation is a reasonable comparison, with a caveat. Phillippa Lally and colleagues (European Journal of Social Psychology, 2010) recruited 96 undergraduates (mean age 27; 82 completed) who picked a new daily health-related behavior to repeat for 84 days. The BPS Research Digest summary (the paper itself wasn't read) says missing a single day had little effect on later gains, while many missed repetitions reduced how automatic the behavior became. Their time to a habit varied widely, from 18 days to a predicted 254. The study was about everyday health-related behaviors, not talking to strangers, so it only suggests that consistency over time matters more than a perfect streak.
Practically, a missed week isn't a failure. Restart at last week's number, not at zero.
Tracking it in Run Game
Log each approach as Success or Rejected, with an optional note. Both count as approaches, and your success rate is successes divided by successes plus rejections. If you hesitated and didn't approach, jot it in the session's notes or your own notes. There's no separate button for it.
Be careful with the success rate at small numbers. If you do 8 approaches in a week and 2 are successes, your rate is 2 / 8 = 25%. One more success is 3 / 8 = 37.5%. A single conversation moves the number by 12 points, so it says little about a single week. Look at it over a month or more. Stats shows your totals and streaks, and the Friends tab has a weekly board of friends' approaches if you want a little company in it. Treat that board as a prompt, not a score to chase.
Define "success" before you start (a number, or a conversation you both enjoyed) and don't change it. Track your approaches goes into the four numbers worth reviewing each week.
What to do next
- Pick your starting target from the table (3 to 6 if you're nervous, 6 to 10 if you're not), and write it down.
- Schedule two outings in your calendar, with days and times, for the next seven days.
- After each approach, log Success or Rejected and add one line in the notes.
- On the same day each week, spend ten minutes on your count, your success rate and one change for next week.
- If you hit the number easily for two weeks, add 2. If you dread it, go back to last week's number.
Sources
- Lally et al. (2010). "How are habits formed: modelling habit formation in the real world." European Journal of Social Psychology. BPS Research Digest summary read, not the paper: https://bps.org.uk/research-digest/how-form-habit