Halloween: dates, costumes and meeting people at parties

At a Halloween party, open with the costume: "What are you supposed to be?" or "That's a great costume, how did you make it?" Many people dress up hoping to be asked. For a Halloween date, pick a plan that works with or without costumes, like pumpkin carving, and sort out drinks and the ride home beforehand. A costume is never a signal of interest in anything beyond conversation, and never consent to touch.

Below: openers, masks, date ideas, paired costumes, and the safety basics.

Costume as an opener

Many people who wear a costume are glad when someone asks about it. That makes it a fairly low-pressure approach, as long as you ask about the costume, not the person's body.

Lines that work:

• "Okay, I'm stuck. What are you? I've been trying to work it out for ten minutes."
• "That's a great costume. Did you make it, or did you find it somewhere?"
• "I love the details on that. How long did it take?"
• "Is this a group costume? Where's everyone else?"

Then follow it up as in any conversation. Ask where they heard about the party, who they know here, what their favorite costume in the room is. Keep your own costume in play too: "I'm [character]. Nobody's guessed it yet." Having a small story about your costume gives them something to answer.

What to avoid:

• Comments on someone's body, how little they're wearing or how "hot" the outfit is. It's the fastest way to end a conversation.
• Touching the costume or the person without asking. Don't touch wigs, masks, props or fabric.
• Assuming a revealing costume means anything. Memorial University's guidance states that low-coverage costumes are not consent for any type of sexual violence, and that consent can't be implied by clothing or actions.
• Pushing when someone gives short answers. If they've turned their body away, looked at their friends or said they're going to find someone, say "Nice to meet you" and move on.

More general party advice is in how to approach someone at a party, and how to make small talk covers keeping things going after the costume question runs out. If you get a number, what to text someone you met at a party has ideas for the follow-up. One tip specific to Halloween: you might not recognize someone out of costume, so swap names or an Instagram handle so you can find each other later.

Face masks and full costumes

Masks and heavy makeup make it harder to read expressions, and it works both ways. If someone is wearing a full mask, you can't see their reaction, so ask more, listen to their tone and pause for them to answer. If you're wearing one, consider lifting it when you talk. It makes you look friendlier and easier to hear. Check that your costume lets you see around you and move comfortably. Masks cut down peripheral vision, which matters on stairs and crowded floors.

Halloween date ideas

Halloween works for a first date, a second date or something you do with a partner. The key is picking a plan that works whether or not either of you wants to dress up.

Pumpkin carving. Cheap, hands-on, and gives you something to do while you talk. Buy two pumpkins and a few tools, and do it somewhere well-lit. Be careful with knives. Use the small carving kits rather than kitchen knives.

Haunted house, corn maze or a hayride. Fun if you both like a scare, but loud and intense, so ask first. "Are you into haunted houses or would you rather avoid them?" saves a bad evening.

Costume party together. If you're invited to a friend's party, ask her whether she'd like to go, and don't make it a surprise. Plan how you'll go together, how you'll leave, and when you'll check in on each other.

Horror movie night. Cinema or at home. Home is a later-date option, since it's more private. Check what she likes first. Some people love scary films and some can't sleep after them.

For more ideas, see first date ideas.

Matching or paired costumes

Pairs and couple costumes are fun, but they're a bigger step than they look.

• On a first or second date, separate costumes are the lower-pressure choice. Coordinated outfits can feel like a lot for two people who have just met. Go with two separate costumes, or attend without one.
• Ask, don't assume. "Want to do something together, or would you rather do your own thing?" gives her a real choice.
• If you've been dating for a while, a pair costume can be easy and funny. Split the work, and agree on a budget.
• Be okay with different comfort levels. Some people love dressing up and some hate it. If she doesn't want to wear a costume, a simple hat or cat ears is often fine, and nobody should push.

Drinks and getting home

Halloween parties often include alcohol, and the safety basics are the same as any big party night.

• Watch your drink. Memorial University's guidance is to watch and cover your drink, be aware of the source of any substances you use, and find someone you trust if you feel unwell while partying. A common extra precaution is not to accept a drink you didn't see poured.
• Pace yourself. Alternate with water and eat first. The CDC says drinking less is better for your health than drinking more, and that you can lower your risks by drinking less or not drinking.
• Arrange your ride before the party. The CDC says that if you expect to drink, plan so you don't have to drive, and don't let friends drive while impaired. That means a designated sober driver, a rideshare or public transit. Have a backup if the party runs late, because the roads and rideshares are busier on holiday nights.
• Stay with your group. Leave together, or let someone know you're leaving.
• Consent is ongoing and can be withdrawn. It has to be freely given, and a person who is drunk can't give it. Memorial University's guidance describes consent as "moment-to-moment and affection-to-affection." If you aren't sure, ask, and if the answer is no or hesitant, stop. Consent and respect has more.

Drinking and dating has more on alcohol and dates.

Keep it comfortable for the other person

A few habits go a long way:

• Don't corner someone in a hallway or dark room, even in a joking way. Stand where she can easily leave.
• Offer an easy exit: "I'm going to grab a drink. Want to come, or I'll find you later?" is fine either way.

What to do next

1. Pick your costume a week early, and test that you can see, sit and talk in it.
2. Write three opener questions about costumes, and say them out loud once.
3. Decide how you're getting home before you leave: a ride, a driver or a bus schedule.
4. For a date, offer two plans, one with costumes and one without, and let her choose.
5. Keep your own drink in sight and pace it with water.
6. Ask before assuming anything about matching costumes, haunted houses or later plans.
7. Swap contact details at the end if the conversation went well, with a plan for the next week.

If you log your approaches in Run Game, a session note on what worked at a party, such as which opener got a real answer, helps for the next one. Success and Rejected both count as approaches.

Sources

• Memorial University of Newfoundland, Sexual Harassment Office, "Halloween safety": costumes and consent, drinks, consent being moment-to-moment. A university office's guidance, not a study.
• CDC, impaired driving: about the problem and prevention advice: plan-ahead advice.
• CDC, about alcohol use: "Drinking less is better for your health than drinking more."