Run Game Practice

How to become a man you respect

5 min read

Start with a question only you can answer: respect measured by what? People disagree about what makes a good man, and no article settles it. So this page doesn't hand you a definition. It helps you write your own, then shows what's known about the habits that tend to go with it.

Views differ, and that's fine

Pew Research Center asked 6,204 U.S. adults in September 2024 how much they think society values certain traits in men. Majorities said people don't value softer traits (being caring, open about emotions, soft-spoken, affectionate) enough. On harder traits (physically strong, assertive, willing to take risks), the public leaned toward saying they're valued too much, though about four in ten or more said they're valued about the right amount. Men and Republicans were more likely than women and Democrats to say harder traits aren't valued enough. Pew was measuring what people think others value, not what's right.

Some people build their picture of a good man around strength, provision and self-reliance. Others emphasize emotional openness, care for others and equality at home. Many take pieces from both, and from their own families, faith or culture. You don't have to join a camp to work on yourself. You can pick what fits.

Write your own standard first

A short exercise people use: finish the sentence "I'd respect myself more if I..." five times. Specific beats vague. "Was in better shape" is vague. "Walked into a gym three mornings a week" is specific. "Was a better person" is vague. "Didn't say yes to plans I'd then cancel" is specific.

Then sort the list into four areas that come up often: your word, your body, your work, and your people.

Keep your word (starting with small promises)

Respecting yourself and being trusted by others both depend on whether you do what you said you'd do. This is a value, not a study result, but it's concrete. Small promises count: replying when you said you would, being on time, showing up to the gym session you scheduled.

A common approach is to make fewer promises you can keep. If you've set five goals and keep missing four, you're training the habit of breaking your word to yourself. Cutting the list to one or two is a legitimate strategy.

Look after your body

Health isn't the only thing, but it's one of the most measurable. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says adults need 150 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity a week (or 75 minutes of vigorous activity, or a mix) plus muscle-strengthening activity at least 2 days a week. For sleep, CDC says adults 18 to 60 should get about seven hours or more a night.

Those are public-health minimums, not a mark of manhood or anything else. If you're starting from nothing, a beginner workout plan for guys is a place to begin.

Build something: work, skills, money

Whatever your version of "respectable" includes, it likely involves being able to do something well. That might be a trade, a craft, a degree, a business, or just getting good at your current job. A common suggestion is to pick one skill and practice it on a schedule, rather than sampling ten. Progress you can show yourself (a project finished, a certification, a savings number) is hard to argue with on a bad day.

Invest in your people

Friends and family are part of most people's definition. The Survey Center on American Life reported in 2021 that 15% of men said they had no close friends, and that the share of men with six or more close friends dropped from 55% in 1990 to 27%. The center's post doesn't give a sample size or methodology, so treat the figures as a rough indicator. If friendship is on your list, it takes the same scheduling as the gym. How to make friends as a guy covers how.

How you treat other people belongs here too: listening, being straight with people, and taking a no as a no. Consent and respect states the basics.

How long habits take

A famous number is 66 days. It comes from Lally and colleagues (2010, European Journal of Social Psychology), who recruited 96 undergraduates (average age 27) to repeat a chosen health behavior daily for 84 days, and 82 finished. On average, the behaviors reached their peak automaticity at about 66 days, but the range ran from 18 days to a projected 254. About half hadn't reached a habit-level score by day 84. Missing a single day made little difference, while many missed days lowered how automatic the habit got. Exercise habits took about one and a half times as long as eating or drinking ones.

The limits: this was one study of healthy-behavior habits in a small sample, and the 254-day figure is a projection beyond the study's window. It's reasonable to read it as "weeks to months, and one slip isn't fatal," not "66 days exactly."

Pitfalls

What to do next

  1. Write your list of five "I'd respect myself more if I..." statements, each specific enough to check off.
  2. Cross out all but one. Pick it and set a start date within three days.
  3. Attach it to something you already do. "After I brush my teeth, I do ten minutes of stretching."
  4. Track it every day for 30 days on paper or in your phone. If you miss a day, restart the next morning. Don't make up for it.
  5. Hit the CDC basics: schedule 3 sessions of about 50 minutes this week, and set a regular bedtime that allows seven hours.
  6. Contact one friend you haven't spoken to in a month and propose a specific time to meet.
  7. Review at day 30: keep it, change it, or add the next item.

If one of your habits is meeting people in person, Run Game tracks streaks and totals, and its Stats show how your numbers change over weeks.

Habits and time management is a natural next read.

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