Run Game Conversation

How to meet people at a new job or internship

6 min read

To meet people at a new job or internship, introduce yourself to the people near you in the first few days, say yes to lunch and team events, and ask questions that let people help you. Short, repeated, friendly contact over the first two weeks does most of the work. You don't need to be the funniest person in the room, and you don't need a plan beyond showing up.

This post is about friendships and working relationships first. If something romantic comes later, getting to know a coworker you like and dating a coworker: company policies cover that. Friendship comes first, and most of it never becomes anything else.

What research says about newcomers

A few findings give some context, with limits.

None of this tells you what to say on day two. It does support the idea that the early weeks matter and that small interactions add up.

The first two weeks

You're new, and that gives you a good excuse to talk to people.

Day one. Say your name and role to the people near you. "Hi, I'm Alex, I just started on the support team." Remember their names, and write them down if you have to.

Week one. Ask for help in a way that lets people give it:

Many people are glad to share local knowledge, and it opens a conversation without needing a clever line.

Week two. Start following up. "Did you try that place you mentioned?" "How did the meeting go?" Names and details make you someone they remember. How to make small talk has more questions.

Lunch

Lunch is the easiest social slot. A few ways in:

If people eat at their desks, a coffee works instead: "I'm getting coffee, want anything?"

Don't take a no personally. People have schedules and routines, and one decline doesn't mean much. If you hear the same excuse three times, try someone else.

After-work events

Team drinks, a birthday, a volunteering day or an office game night are where people talk more freely. Going to one early helps. You don't have to stay long or drink. A common approach is to stay 45 to 60 minutes, talk to at least two people, and leave while it's still going well. If you don't drink, a soda is fine and nobody will care.

If you have a reason you can't go, say so and offer something else: "I can't make drinks, but I'm around for lunch Thursday."

Be friendly without getting pulled into gossip

New people are often handed gossip early. It can feel like a way in, but it's easy to repeat it, and what you say about someone can get back to them. A few neutral lines:

Then change the subject: "How long have you been on the team?" You can be warm without taking sides. Keep complaints about the job, your boss or colleagues off company chat, where messages can be forwarded or read later.

If you're an intern

Interns have a shorter window and often sit slightly outside the team, so it helps to be more deliberate.

If you're shy or it's remote

If starting conversations is hard, plan small. Choose one question per day. Social anxiety or shyness and how to be more social cover that in more depth. Boothby and colleagues (2018, five studies, mostly students and strangers) found people underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them, which may help if you replay chats afterward. It's not about work, so treat it as a reason to try again, not a promise.

For remote or hybrid jobs, schedule more: a short video chat with each teammate in the first month, a message in the team channel when you finish something, or a virtual coffee. Say what you are doing: "I'm new, would you like a 15-minute call to get to know the team?"

Friends first

The goal in the first months is to be a good colleague and to know a few people well. Dating isn't the goal, and treating coworkers as a dating pool can make people uncomfortable. If you do like someone later, check the rules and the reporting line, and keep it low-key. How to make friends as a guy covers friendship beyond work.

What to do next

  1. Learn five names on your team by the end of week one.
  2. Ask one local-knowledge question a day for the first three days.
  3. Say yes to your first lunch invitation, or make one yourself in week one.
  4. Go to one after-work event in the first month. Stay 45 to 60 minutes and talk to two people.
  5. Pick your gossip line ("I'm still figuring things out") before you need it.
  6. Follow up on one detail from a past conversation each week.

Sources